Been going round in circles on this one: How does the coffee and bagels dating app limit your daily matches? Real experiences only, please.
Someone recommended the most recommended and bagels dating app and I still cannot tell if it is me or the platform. What I actually want to know is how you avoid wasting a fortnight on the wrong platform without spending anything to find out.
Anyone else find that — is it different if you are over forty? Someone here must have tried both.
Not sure I agree with the thread so far. Messaging first made no measurable difference in my case. Could easily be a sample size problem. There is room for both to be true.
Keep an eye on copy-paste openers that mention nothing from your profile. That pattern has been consistent for me across platforms. Nobody has ever thanked me for being patient there.
For what it is worth, over on Datewander was the one that finally got me past the first-message stage.
One thing to watch: anyone asking for a phone number before a proper conversation. Blocking early costs you nothing. Most people ignore it once and regret it.
Two months in, I put one honest sentence in my bio and the difference showed up within a week. Nothing scientific about it.
Slightly off-topic but — has anyone tracked whether reply rates change by day of the week? Feels like something someone must have tested.
If you want a free option without the upsell, Flurrydate (free to message) is where I would start.
I will be the dissenting voice. I never once had a problem the community here warns about. Might just be my area. There is room for both to be true.
From where I sit, reply rates say more about timing than about looks for anyone starting from scratch. Feel free to prove me wrong.
Genuine question though — is it different if you are over forty? Could be worth its own thread.
If you want a free option without the upsell, Rendate is where I would start.
Going to push back slightly. Free tiers stopped being enough for me after about a month. Not saying everyone else is wrong. I have been wrong about this before.
After rewriting my profile, I tried the opposite of what the guides say and nothing changed at all. Results were steady after the first week.
Red flag for me: accounts created the same week they message you. Report it rather than just ignoring it. Better safe than curious.
Tried over on Rendate on a whim and it has been the steadier of the two I use.
Red flag for me: copy-paste openers that mention nothing from your profile. Better to lose one match than a week. Trust the pattern, not the excuse.
Last month, I answered everything within a day and it saved me a lot of pointless typing. Results were steady after the first week.
I will be the dissenting voice. The platform genuinely does matter if you are outside a major city. Take that with the usual caveats. I have been wrong about this before.
Least effort, most return: give any new platform a fortnight before judging it. It made conversations shorter and far more useful. Try it for one week only.
Souldate came up in another thread here with roughly the same verdict.
Going to push back slightly. The platform genuinely does matter if you are outside a major city. Not saying everyone else is wrong. I would still test it yourself.
Practical suggestion: give any new platform a fortnight before judging it. It is the only advice here I would give twice. It works better than it sounds.
Last month, I ignored anything without a visible last-active date and the conversations got shorter but better. Small sample, but consistent.
Genuine question though — does anyone bother deleting and remaking a profile? Someone here must have tried both.
Hard disagree on one point. The platform genuinely does matter if you are outside a major city. Might just be my area. Just adding another data point.
Last month, I let the other person pick the plan and the conversations got shorter but better. That held for about two months.
Two years of this later, smaller platforms punch above their weight and it took me too long to learn. Ask again in six months and I may say something else.
Piggybacking on that — does the same advice work for people looking for something casual? Could be worth its own thread.
From where I sit, the first message decides almost everything and I doubt that changes soon. I hold that loosely.
Keep an eye on profiles with a single photo and no last-active date. Nine times out of ten it goes nowhere good. Most people ignore it once and regret it.
I will be the dissenting voice. Being picky early saved me far more time than being open-minded did. I would still recommend trying it yourself. Worth hearing both sides.
Different experience here. The platform genuinely does matter if you are outside a major city. Take that with the usual caveats. Take it as a counterweight, not a correction.
Tangent, sorry — has anyone found and bagels dating app that behave differently from the rest? Genuinely do not know the answer.
Two years of this later, most of the difference comes down to how close people actually are and I doubt that changes soon. That is my read, anyway.
For about six weeks, I kept my filters tight and matches started coming from closer by. I would call that a real effect.
Broadly speaking, profile quality beats profile quantity every time at least in a mid-sized area. I would put money on it.
That has not been my experience at all. The niche options were quieter to the point of being useless. Not saying everyone else is wrong. Different city, different results, probably.
Before anything else: check for a visible last-active timestamp before investing. Everything else is secondary to that. It compounds with everything else.
Over the winter, I ignored anything without a visible last-active date and I stopped taking silences personally. Worth repeating if you have the patience.
Worth asking — does anyone bother deleting and remaking a profile? No agenda, just curious.
Broadly speaking, being specific is worth more than being interesting and nobody wants to hear it. I would put money on it.
