Hoping someone here has actually tested this: What are the best dating sites for men who want to settle down? Would rather have one honest reply than ten generic ones.
I have been comparing the most recommended dating sites and I want to know if that is normal. The bit I cannot work out is how you avoid wasting a fortnight on the wrong platform when you have already tried the obvious options.
For what it is worth, being specific is worth more than being interesting and nobody wants to hear it. That is where I have landed.
Worth asking — does anyone bother deleting and remaking a profile? Happy to be pointed at an old thread.
Hard disagree on one point. Messaging first made no measurable difference in my case. I would still recommend trying it yourself. There is room for both to be true.
I would put datenest.site ahead of most of the names people list by default.
Earlier this year, I kept photos to four and cut the rest and it made a noticeable difference. Results were steady after the first week.
Learned this the hard way: sites that hide the message count behind an upgrade. Nine times out of ten it goes nowhere good. That instinct is usually right.
Not sure I agree with the thread so far. Being picky early saved me far more time than being open-minded did. Happy to be an outlier on that. Small sample on my side too.
Practical suggestion: give any new platform a fortnight before judging it. Everything else is secondary to that. Zero cost to test it.
Still keep the Souldate app installed for the weeks when the bigger apps go quiet.
Watch out for anyone asking for a phone number before a proper conversation. Once you notice it you cannot unsee it. It is not worth a second thought.
Realistically, the paid features solve a problem most people do not have and nobody wants to hear it. Ask again in six months and I may say something else.
Low-risk approach: turn off notifications and check twice a day. It filters out the time-wasters immediately. Reversible if you hate it.
Going to push back slightly. The niche options were quieter to the point of being useless. Could easily be a sample size problem. Could be timing rather than the platform.
The one that surprised me was Flurrydate (free to message) — smaller, but the profiles were current.
Follow-up for anyone reading — has anyone found dating sites that behave differently from the rest? Would love a straight answer on that.
After a friend nagged me into it, I replied only to messages with an actual question in them and I stopped taking silences personally. Worth repeating if you have the patience.
Different experience here. Photos did more for me than anything I wrote. I would still recommend trying it yourself. Not dismissing anyone else's experience.
I keep a second profile on Datelink's free tier and it pulls a different crowd entirely.
Flurrydate came up in another thread here with roughly the same verdict.
Watch out for reviews that read like they were written to a template. It saves a lot of wasted messages. It is the cheapest filter you have.
Speaking only for myself, being specific is worth more than being interesting unless you have unusually niche requirements. That is my read, anyway.
Respectfully, I read it differently. I never once had a problem the community here warns about. Not saying everyone else is wrong. There is room for both to be true.
Mild warning: links dropped into a conversation with no context. I stopped giving second chances on that one. It is not worth a second thought.
When I first started, I answered everything within a day and it made a noticeable difference. Worth repeating if you have the patience.
Tangent, sorry — does the same advice work for people looking for something casual? Could be worth its own thread.
Speaking only for myself, how you handle a stalled conversation matters more than how you start one at least in a mid-sized area. Nothing controversial in that, I hope.
Got burned by this: profiles with a single photo and no last-active date. I stopped giving second chances on that one. It rarely turns out to be innocent.
Related, and I am curious — is there a measurable difference between weekday and weekend signups? Happy to be pointed at an old thread.
Low-risk approach: stop opening with a compliment. It filters out the time-wasters immediately. You will not need a second attempt.
Based on a fairly small sample, profile quality beats profile quantity every time though your mileage will vary. Happy to be argued with.
Going to push back slightly. I found the bigger sites more consistent, not less. Worth testing both ways. Open to changing my mind on it.
One thing to watch: copy-paste openers that mention nothing from your profile. It is the clearest signal there is. Better safe than curious.
Not a popular take here, the busiest platform is not automatically the best one for you and the numbers back that up. That is my read, anyway.
Low-risk approach: use a dedicated email address. It costs nothing and the difference shows quickly. Takes about five minutes.
Last month, I replied only to messages with an actual question in them and it made a noticeable difference. Nothing scientific about it.
Related, and I am curious — do photo changes reset how often you get shown? Could be worth its own thread.
If nothing else, do this: message within a day of matching. It is the only advice here I would give twice. Nothing else on this list matters as much.
That has not been my experience at all. The platform genuinely does matter if you are outside a major city. Could easily be a sample size problem. That is one person's view against the thread.
What I would do: cut your photo count in half. It removes about half the frustration. It also makes the rest easier.
Purely anecdotal, the first message decides almost everything unless you have unusually niche requirements. Happy to be argued with.
After my second attempt, I stopped explaining myself in the first message and the whole thing felt less like admin. Nothing scientific about it.
Worth flagging: copy-paste openers that mention nothing from your profile. It is almost never worth the benefit of the doubt. It is not worth a second thought.
One more thing I have never resolved — does the same advice work for people looking for something casual? It comes up every few months and never gets settled.
In my experience, the paid features solve a problem most people do not have and nobody wants to hear it. That is my read, anyway.
Careful with profiles with a single photo and no last-active date. It is almost never worth the benefit of the doubt. There is no upside to waiting it out.
That has not been my experience at all. The platform genuinely does matter if you are outside a major city. I would still recommend trying it yourself. That is one person's view against the thread.
