What is the most popular gay meeting website in the US?

Something I keep wondering about: What is the most popular gay meeting website in the US? Not looking for a sales pitch.

I have had mixed results with three different LGBTQ dating apps and I still cannot tell if it is me or the platform. The part that matters to me is how you handle it when a conversation just stops as someone coming back after a long break.

• Confirm how reporting actually works straight away before you upload anything personal
• Read up on the last-active timestamp before anything else before you upload anything personal
• Question the distance filter default up front in the first day or two

For what it is worth, the busiest platform is not automatically the best one for you unless you have unusually niche requirements. That is my read, anyway.

The thing that annoyed me most: copy-paste openers that mention nothing from your profile. It is almost never worth the benefit of the doubt. The cost of being wrong is low.

Small change worth trying: put a question at the end of every opener. It costs nothing and the difference shows quickly. Easiest change on this list.

Between the free options I tested, Datewander community had the least aggressive upsell.

Something nobody mentions: links dropped into a conversation with no context. Blocking early costs you nothing. There is no upside to waiting it out.

While we are here — do smaller platforms actually have better ratios? Would love a straight answer on that.

The advice I wish I had: give any new platform a fortnight before judging it. It also makes the meet-up conversation much easier. Zero cost to test it.

The one that surprised me was Datescout (free to message) — smaller, but the profiles were current.

Respectfully, I read it differently. Being picky early saved me far more time than being open-minded did. Take that with the usual caveats. Open to changing my mind on it.

The thing that annoyed me most: anything that wants payment before you can read a reply. Once you notice it you cannot unsee it. It is not worth a second thought.

Related, and I am curious — do photo changes reset how often you get shown? It comes up every few months and never gets settled.

Between the free options I tested, Datescout app had the least aggressive upsell.

Careful with profiles that only ever reply in the small hours. That pattern has been consistent for me across platforms. There is no upside to waiting it out.

Different experience here. I never once had a problem the community here warns about. Not saying everyone else is wrong. Genuinely not trying to be difficult.

Slightly off-topic but — does this hold up outside big cities? Could be worth its own thread.

A friend has had far more luck on Datewander app than on anything mainstream.

When I stopped overthinking it, I stopped sending openers before 9pm and the reply rate roughly doubled. It was the only variable I changed.

Practical suggestion: stop opening with a compliment. That one change fixed most of my problems. No downside I have found.

The thing that annoyed me most: sites that hide the message count behind an upgrade. Nine times out of ten it goes nowhere good. Nobody has ever thanked me for being patient there.

Realistically, the first message decides almost everything and the numbers back that up. Others here will disagree.

Not sure I agree with the thread so far. Being picky early saved me far more time than being open-minded did. Might just be my area. Not dismissing anyone else's experience.

Having tried most of them, most of the difference comes down to how close people actually are though your mileage will vary. Ask again in six months and I may say something else.

Follow-up for anyone reading — does the same advice work for people looking for something casual? Would love a straight answer on that.

Watch out for profiles with a single photo and no last-active date. Report it rather than just ignoring it. Trust the pattern, not the excuse.

When I stopped overthinking it, I replied only to messages with an actual question in them and nothing changed at all. Results were steady after the first week.

Small change worth trying: message within a day of matching. It filters out the time-wasters immediately. Takes about five minutes.

Got burned by this: matches that go quiet the moment you suggest meeting. It is almost never worth the benefit of the doubt. Nobody has ever thanked me for being patient there.

One more thing I have never resolved — is a shorter bio genuinely better or just easier to write? Genuinely do not know the answer.

Not sure I agree with the thread so far. I found the bigger sites more consistent, not less. Not saying everyone else is wrong. Just adding another data point.

For most of last year, I kept my filters tight and it saved me a lot of pointless typing. The change was obvious enough to notice without counting.

Tangent, sorry — is it different if you are over forty? It comes up every few months and never gets settled.

Honestly, consistency beats any single clever trick unless you have unusually niche requirements. Happy to be argued with.

That has not been my experience at all. Messaging first made no measurable difference in my case. Worth testing both ways. Not dismissing anyone else's experience.

Related, and I am curious — does any of this change once you have been active for a year? It comes up every few months and never gets settled.

Where I got caught out: profiles that only ever reply in the small hours. Better to lose one match than a week. There is no upside to waiting it out.

Speaking only for myself, the platform matters far less than the profile and nobody wants to hear it. I would put money on it.

For about six weeks, I ignored anything without a visible last-active date and I stopped taking silences personally. Worth repeating if you have the patience.

One more thing I have never resolved — does anyone bother deleting and remaking a profile? No agenda, just curious.

Respectfully, I read it differently. The platform genuinely does matter if you are outside a major city. Take that with the usual caveats. Take it as a counterweight, not a correction.

Worth testing for a week: put a question at the end of every opener. It filters out the time-wasters immediately. Nothing else on this list matters as much.

Anyone else find that — do photo changes reset how often you get shown? Someone here must have tried both.

Going to push back slightly. The niche options were quieter to the point of being useless. Your experience may well differ. I have been wrong about this before.