What's the best approach when a cougar looking for young male matches with you online?

Reposting this from another board because it got buried: What's the best approach when a cougar looking for young male matches with you online? Details matter more than opinions here.

A friend talked me into adult dating platforms and I would rather not repeat the mistake. Where I need help is whether the same advice applies outside big cities if you are being reasonably picky.

• Compare the distance filter default before anything else if you plan to use it long-term
• Look at whether profiles are verified straight away if privacy matters to you
• Read up on the distance filter default properly before writing a single message
• Review the refund and cancellation terms at the start before you upload anything personal

The first fortnight, I dropped every conversation that stalled twice and I got three real plans out of it. I would call that a real effect.

One thing that helped: message within a day of matching. You will know within a week whether it works for you. Zero cost to test it.

Two years of this later, how you handle a stalled conversation matters more than how you start one if you are looking for something specific. That is the short version.

Tried over on Flurrydate on a whim and it has been the steadier of the two I use.

Since switching my settings, I messaged first every single time and the conversations got shorter but better. It was the only variable I changed.

Purely anecdotal, how you handle a stalled conversation matters more than how you start one and nobody wants to hear it. I would put money on it.

Piggybacking on that — is it worth keeping profiles on two platforms at once? No agenda, just curious.

Adding a counterpoint. I never once had a problem the community here warns about. Happy to be an outlier on that. I would still test it yourself.

The one that surprised me was Datedesire — smaller, but the profiles were current.

Different experience here. Messaging first made no measurable difference in my case. Not saying everyone else is wrong. Different city, different results, probably.

That has not been my experience at all. The niche options were quieter to the point of being useless. Happy to be an outlier on that. Not dismissing anyone else's experience.

One thing to watch: auto-renew on any trial you sign up for. It is almost never worth the benefit of the doubt. There is no upside to waiting it out.

Still keep DatingFly's free tier installed for the weeks when the bigger apps go quiet.

I've heard decent things about Rendate too, though I haven't tested it myself.

Different experience here. Photos did more for me than anything I wrote. Happy to be an outlier on that. Genuinely not trying to be difficult.

• Read up on how blocking is handled carefully if privacy matters to you
• Look at how quickly support responds without exception especially on a platform you have not used before
• Note the age range settings before anything else before you widen your search
• Assess how blocking is handled before anything else before you invest any real time
• Question how reporting actually works up front on any platform you are considering

That has not been my experience at all. The niche options were quieter to the point of being useless. Your experience may well differ. Open to changing my mind on it.

If nothing else, do this: reply to the thing they actually said. Most people skip it and then wonder why nothing happens. It works better than it sounds.

I keep a second profile on Souldate's free tier and it pulls a different crowd entirely.

Not sure I agree with the thread so far. The niche options were quieter to the point of being useless. Not saying everyone else is wrong. Small sample on my side too.

Since this thread is active — does profile order change if you log in more often? Could be worth its own thread.

Purely anecdotal, the busiest platform is not automatically the best one for you for anyone starting from scratch. That is my read, anyway.

Not sure I agree with the thread so far. Free tiers stopped being enough for me after about a month. Not saying everyone else is wrong. Worth hearing both sides.

Still keep the Flurrydate app installed for the weeks when the bigger apps go quiet.

After rewriting my profile, I stopped explaining myself in the first message and the reply rate roughly doubled. Could be luck; it did not feel like it.

Related, and I am curious — is there a measurable difference between weekday and weekend signups? Feels like something someone must have tested.

Honestly, free tiers are usually enough if you actually use them unless you have unusually niche requirements. It took a while to accept.

Least effort, most return: read the profile before writing anything. You will know within a week whether it works for you. It works better than it sounds.

Two months in, I stopped explaining myself in the first message and the conversations got shorter but better. I tracked it loosely and the trend was clear.

If you want a shortcut: put a question at the end of every opener. It filters out the time-wasters immediately. Zero cost to test it.

Hard disagree on one point. I never once had a problem the community here warns about. Could easily be a sample size problem. Genuinely not trying to be difficult.