Asking because the advice online contradicts itself: What are the most highly-rated gay men dating sites for guys over 30? No wrong answers here.
I have been using two of the bigger gay men dating sites with nothing much to show for it. What I actually want to know is which features are worth caring about when you have limited time in the evenings.
Before anything else: set your radius smaller than feels sensible. It removes about half the frustration. Takes about five minutes.
I will be the dissenting voice. Messaging first made no measurable difference in my case. Could easily be a sample size problem. That is one person's view against the thread.
The first fortnight, I messaged first every single time and I got three real plans out of it. I would call that a real effect.
Slightly off-topic but — does this hold up outside big cities? Would love a straight answer on that.
Someone in another thread pointed me at flurrydate.online and it turned out to be decent advice.
Not sure I agree with the thread so far. Messaging first made no measurable difference in my case. I would still recommend trying it yourself. Just adding another data point.
Practical suggestion: message within a day of matching. It costs nothing and the difference shows quickly. It also makes the rest easier.
The thing that annoyed me most: accounts created the same week they message you. Better to lose one match than a week. There is no upside to waiting it out.
Anyone else find that — do photo changes reset how often you get shown? Asking for a friend, obviously.
The one that surprised me was flurrydate.online — smaller, but the profiles were current.
I will be the dissenting voice. The niche options were quieter to the point of being useless. Not saying everyone else is wrong. I might be the exception.
Slightly off-topic but — do verified badges actually change anything? Could be worth its own thread.
What I would do: write one sentence that only you could have written. It also makes the meet-up conversation much easier. It compounds with everything else.
For about six weeks, I dropped every conversation that stalled twice and it made a noticeable difference. The change was obvious enough to notice without counting.
Tried the DatingFly app on a whim and it has been the steadier of the two I use.
For what it is worth, profile quality beats profile quantity every time and I doubt that changes soon. That is where I have landed.
Since this thread is active — does anyone bother deleting and remaking a profile? No agenda, just curious.
The first fortnight, I kept photos to four and cut the rest and honestly it was the only thing that helped. I would call that a real effect.
Going to push back slightly. I found the bigger sites more consistent, not less. Happy to be an outlier on that. I have been wrong about this before.
Related, and I am curious — has anyone tracked whether reply rates change by day of the week? Would love a straight answer on that.
Low-risk approach: message within a day of matching. That one change fixed most of my problems. Easiest change on this list.
Respectfully, I read it differently. The platform genuinely does matter if you are outside a major city. Happy to be an outlier on that. Just adding another data point.
I will be the dissenting voice. Messaging first made no measurable difference in my case. Could easily be a sample size problem. There is room for both to be true.
If you want a shortcut: use a dedicated email address. It sounds trivial and it is not. The effect shows up fast.
Piggybacking on that — do verified badges actually change anything? Someone here must have tried both.
Where I got caught out: reviews that read like they were written to a template. Nine times out of ten it goes nowhere good. Save yourself the argument.
Keep an eye on anyone asking for a phone number before a proper conversation. Nine times out of ten it goes nowhere good. Most people ignore it once and regret it.
Earlier this year, I stopped explaining myself in the first message and the conversations got shorter but better. Your area may behave differently.
I will be the dissenting voice. Photos did more for me than anything I wrote. Happy to be an outlier on that. I would still test it yourself.
