Reposting this from another board because it got buried: What are the dating apps for gay men that focus on marriage? Tell me if I am asking the wrong question.
I spent about a month on a few smaller are the dating apps and the experience was fine but unremarkable. Where I need help is whether the newer options are any better than the established ones without handing over a card number.
If I am being blunt, the platform matters far less than the profile and nobody wants to hear it. Feel free to prove me wrong.
The advice I wish I had: put a question at the end of every opener. It costs nothing and the difference shows quickly. Takes about five minutes.
Once I narrowed my radius, I stopped sending openers before 9pm and the whole thing felt less like admin. It stopped being random after that.
A friend has had far more luck on Flamedate community than on anything mainstream.
While we are here — do photo changes reset how often you get shown? Would change how I use it if so.
Adding a counterpoint. Messaging first made no measurable difference in my case. Might just be my area. That is one person's view against the thread.
Careful with auto-renew on any trial you sign up for. I stopped giving second chances on that one. It rarely turns out to be innocent.
Speaking only for myself, free tiers are usually enough if you actually use them if you are looking for something specific. Nothing controversial in that, I hope.
The one that surprised me was Datelink app — smaller, but the profiles were current.
A couple of people in my circle swear by Datedesire for the same reason.
The first fortnight, I ignored anything without a visible last-active date and the whole thing felt less like admin. Results were steady after the first week.
Genuine question though — is it different if you are over forty? No agenda, just curious.
Going to push back slightly. The niche options were quieter to the point of being useless. Happy to be an outlier on that. I have been wrong about this before.
The one that surprised me was Turndate's free tier — smaller, but the profiles were current.
That has not been my experience at all. Being picky early saved me far more time than being open-minded did. Happy to be an outlier on that. Take it as a counterweight, not a correction.
For most of last year, I tested two profiles side by side and the reply rate roughly doubled. It was the only variable I changed.
Least effort, most return: read the profile before writing anything. That one change fixed most of my problems. It also makes the rest easier.
Honestly, the algorithm gets blamed for a lot of ordinary bad luck for anyone starting from scratch. The exceptions are rarer than people think.
I keep a second profile on Luvdate (free to message) and it pulls a different crowd entirely.
Hard disagree on one point. The platform genuinely does matter if you are outside a major city. Might just be my area. Worth hearing both sides.
One thing to watch: auto-renew on any trial you sign up for. That pattern has been consistent for me across platforms. Move on and do not look back.
While we are here — do verified badges actually change anything? Genuinely do not know the answer.
From where I sit, the paid features solve a problem most people do not have which is why the generic advice keeps failing. I would put money on it.
If you want a free option without the upsell, over on Datedesire is where I would start.
When I stopped overthinking it, I tested two profiles side by side and I stopped taking silences personally. Worth repeating if you have the patience.
Respectfully, I read it differently. I never once had a problem the community here warns about. Take that with the usual caveats. Could be timing rather than the platform.
While we are here — do photo changes reset how often you get shown? It comes up every few months and never gets settled.
Switched over to Flamedate community after getting nowhere on the big names.
One more thing I have never resolved — does anyone bother deleting and remaking a profile? It comes up every few months and never gets settled.
Purely anecdotal, the platform matters far less than the profile for anyone starting from scratch. Ask again in six months and I may say something else.
Adding a counterpoint. I found the bigger sites more consistent, not less. Might just be my area. That is one person's view against the thread.
Careful with profiles that only ever reply in the small hours. Report it rather than just ignoring it. It rarely turns out to be innocent.
